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EDITORIAL, SCHMEDITORIAL – by Ed Schmed
Greetings from Kansas! Yes, THAT Kansas - the one we thought we all weren't IN anymore. Well, guess again, Dorothy! The Dark Agers, in an attempt to make certain that all the public school children are as backward and stupid as their little home-schooled angels, have outlawed teaching evolution in the schools on the grounds that it's "just a theory." Kind of like our explanations of things like gravity and atomic structure are just theories.
Unlike Religious Truths, which are based on hard facts. A bunch of illiterate desert nomads who used to drink their own pee for medicine and tell scary stories around the campfire - THEY knew the REAL explanations.
Give me a BREAK! I know that there are many out there with deeply held beliefs, who cannot, for reasons of conscience, support any explanation for existence that they didn't get from their personal guru/savior/medicine man or whatever. And to all of them I offer this humble statement: Kiss my ASS, you superstitious PEASANTS! You don't belong on the Board of Education. You belong out in the field, pulling a cart and watching for the next Mysterious Sign>From The Heavens. That's where ALL of us used to be, back when you guys ran the show.
Don't like theories that aren't specifically mentioned in your Special Book? Better stop driving your car, then. Back to donkeys and chariots. And better have that heathen electricity shut off. Just put a wick in some animal fat and have at it! Let there be Very Dim Light!
As always, I welcome thoughtful responses from people with differing opinions. I would just like to ask one favor regarding the format, though. Please replace every reference to your particular deity ("Him," "The Compassionate Buddah," "De Lawd," "Ms. Earth Mama," etc.) with the words "my invisible friend." It makes them SO much more fun to read!
(Ed Schmed and John Stewart believe that their invisible friend put stupid people on this Earth to ENTERTAIN us, not to EDUCATE us.)
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White email@example.com ]